


you want me to stroke (your ego)

by watchingstarscollide



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Feelings, Force Bond (Star Wars), Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Power Play, Throne Sex, hand stuff, p in v
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-31 02:43:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21053699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watchingstarscollide/pseuds/watchingstarscollide
Summary: “Do you ever regret it? Not coming with me?” She tries to sound casual, hoping he doesn’t catch on. That he doesn’t realize that’s what she was dreaming about. “Surely you must sit up here sometimes, on your disgusting throne, and wonder if you made the wrong choice.” Now it’s his turn to go silent. Rey watches him sit in total rigidity, still and stiff as a statue. His only movement is the working of his jaw, the turn of his full lips into a thin line. He clenches his fist, looks down. Just as Rey thinks she’s unraveled him, he opens his mouth.“Do I regret not joining you on your suicide mission? Not joining your merry cohorts on your way to certain defeat in the face of the galaxy’s greatest power?” He spits out, clearly incensed. “No, I can’t say I do. Do you ever regret not joining me? Do you regret choosing instead to follow a bunch of misdirected, self-righteous fools to your death?” His eyes bore holes into her, somewhere between hateful and desperate. “Or do you sleep well despite knowing the First Order will hunt all of you down and take you out without a second thought?”





	you want me to stroke (your ego)

**Author's Note:**

> hi there this is the result of listening to banks' iii and wanting to practice writing smut. also there's probably this exact fic out there somewhere and if there is i'm so sorry for writing the inferior version of it. please enjoy this garbage xx

Rey hears him before she sees him.

She’d been dreaming, doing something that was now a fleeting glimmer. Something important, she knew that. Something that could change the course of the fighting, could turn the tide, could win them the war--

Rey chooses to give up trying to remember. It’s not important, now. What is important is getting him out. He has no right to see her now, to know her in this vulnerable state. And yet, the connection remains open. Rey also chooses not to think about the implications of that.

“It’s been awhile.”

Of course that’s all he gives her; one sentence. Slow and measured, but underneath it, a hint of hurt. Good. Rey wants him to hurt, wants him to feel all that she felt watching him throw away his lifeline in favor of power. She sits up on her bunk, looking him straight in the eye. He’s in his standard black robes, mask gone. His head is resting on one hand, and he looks bored out of his mind. Miserable, even. This is what has become of his grand rise to power: the isolation and pain of being at the top alone. He has the galaxy at his feet, entire planets bending to his will, the fear of every individual in his orbit, and he looks like he wants to be anywhere else, doing anything but this. Well, he had his chance, didn’t he? This is the decision he made when he didn’t leave with her, when he chose instead to stay aboard that burning star destroyer and attempt to wipe the resistance out on Crait. Rey will not feel pity for him. She refuses to reach out with her own feelings of loneliness and comfort him. The time for that has long passed.

“It should’ve been forever.” She bites out. “This wasn’t supposed to ever happen again. I can assure you, there won’t be a next time.” Rey turns her back, intending to throw her shields up. He shouldn’t be able to slip through so easily; she keeps him out at all times. 

“Were you thinking about me?”

Bastard.

Rey turns back to him, heat rising to her cheeks. She storms forward, ready to tell him off, to give him a piece of her mind, to make sure he doesn’t know and never learns that she very much was, that he was in her dreams, that she replays their conversation in that on-fire room constantly, imagining all the ways she convinces him to come back, come home, to choose what’s right. To choose her. She pauses just short, still fuming but realizing he’s made up his mind on the matter. Whatever she says, whatever lies she grits out through her teeth, he will see right through her. He will have decided that he was occupying her thoughts, and he’ll be right. Instead, she tries to throw her shields up again. This time, Rey can almost feel the way he stops her, willing the connection to stay there, forcing her to keep talking to him. It occurs to her that this may not be a taunt, or a provocation, as she had previously thought. Perhaps he was also thinking about her. Although, surely if they were to come face-to-face every time they thought about each other, they’d be having many more awkward conversations. Right? Rey shakes the thought off. He doesn’t get the satisfaction. She won’t give it to him. She won’t give him anything. She’ll remain in dignified silence instead, ignoring the flames burning her up from the inside of her cheeks.

“What’s wrong? Loth-cat got your tongue? Well, I was thinking of you. It’s strange, for all the demands of being Supreme Leader, I have so much time to let my mind wander. Let me show you.”

All at once, colors and forms flash through her mind, disappearing the moment they take shape. Several pass through before she realizes-- oh. He wasn’t just thinking of her, he was… imagining her.

He was imagining them. He was imagining them together. In both tame ways and decidedly not. The heat in her cheeks rushes through her whole head, travels throughout her entire body, spreads to her shoulders and her chest and licks up her spine, settles in her core. Her thin bindings, all she wears for sleep, suddenly feel too restrictive. Rey all at once becomes indignant. He doesn’t get to win this one. He won’t make her a mess at his mercy. She has to take this back from him.

“What do you think will happen from this? That I’ll drop to my knees and beg, plead for you to make those a reality? I will never.”

He remains entirely silent, but Rey swears she sees the smallest flicker of a smile, a miniscule curve of his mouth gone a moment later. Belatedly, she considers that he was imagining that exact scenario, even if he knew it wasn’t a possibility. Unbidden, her mind conjures the image. It sends a shiver down her spine. 

He shifts in his seat, moving to rest his arms on what she presumes is in reality his throne, and huffs. “So if you don’t want to be here, and you don’t want to know what I was thinking about, why are you still here? I won’t stop you this time. If you want so badly to get back to that filthy junk ship and your traitorous little friends, you may. I won’t keep you.”

Unfortunately, Rey has realized she doesn’t. Not yet. She walks closer to him, pausing a mere few paces away from where he’s seated. She’s decided to take a page out of his book and bypass his statement completely in favor of her own question.

“Do you ever regret it? Not coming with me?” She tries to sound casual, hoping he doesn’t catch on. That he doesn’t realize that’s what she was dreaming about. “Surely you must sit up here sometimes, on your disgusting throne, and wonder if you made the wrong choice.” Now it’s his turn to go silent. Rey watches him sit in total rigidity, still and stiff as a statue. His only movement is the working of his jaw, the turn of his full lips into a thin line. He clenches his fist, looks down. Just as Rey thinks she’s unraveled him, he opens his mouth. 

“Do I regret not joining you on your suicide mission? Not joining your merry cohorts on your way to certain defeat in the face of the galaxy’s greatest power?” He spits out, clearly incensed. “No, I can’t say I do. Do you ever regret not joining me? Do you regret choosing instead to follow a bunch of misdirected, self-righteous fools to your death?” His eyes bore holes into her, somewhere between hateful and desperate. “Or do you sleep well despite knowing the First Order will hunt all of you down and take you out without a second thought?” His words have taken on a familiar tone, the same one from when he was telling her to let go. “You think you made the right decision. You still believe letting yourself be destroyed is what’s right.”

“So do you!” The words are out before Rey realizes she’s saying them.  
“What is that supposed to mean?” He says in a low tone. Like he already knows where she intends to go with this.  
“You think you deserve this, don’t you?” She continues, mortified that she’s continuing. “You take all the pain, and the misery, and the loneliness, and you revel in it. You think you deserve all of this,” she gestures around what she assumes is his throne room, “because it’s empty and sad. You’re letting yourself be destroyed from the inside out, because you can’t see any other way for yourself, not after all you’ve done.” Her chest is heaving now, fists balled at her sides. “Well? Am I wrong?”

“And what does it matter to you?!” He shouts back. “You not only rejected me, you left me. Alive, yes, but you were gone when I woke up. What does it matter to you whether I’m destroyed? Why would you care if this is the only future I have?”

“Because!” Rey’s feet are tugging her forward, closing the gap between them. “Because--” And all at once she’s kissing him, he’s kissing her, she doesn’t know who instigated it and she doesn’t care because his plush lips are working against her own and the fire is growing, it’s engulfing her and all she can do is push back against him until his head is against the high back of his throne and she’s crawling on top of him, fists clutching at his top. She’s got one knee up on the seat, the other finding purchase, and then she’s straddling him, mouth still moving hungrily exploring his. His hands, so large and so warm and so sure come to wrap around her waist, fingertips digging slightly into the hem of her bindings, just above the bare skin of her hips. Rey can’t think, can’t speak, can barely breathe when all of a sudden he’s in control, he’s taken control of her kiss but he’s just pushing their heads forward, maneuvering her jaw up to expose her neck, moving his mouth down to the hollow beneath her chin. He’s a man starved, a man possessed, using lips and tongue and teeth to mark down her neck. She moves her hands up, up, up from his shirt to the sides of his throat, the planes of his cheeks, to finally grasp his hair (so soft, so dark she’s almost surprised her hands don’t have ink stains), tugging a little only to be rewarded with a soft mmm from the back of his throat. 

Neither of them talk, neither dares, they just continue their exploration of each other. Rey has started grinding against his lap, not sure when it started. He’s meeting her, rolling his hips up in time with her movements and it’s obscene, it feels amazing, it’s a collection of little sparks she’s sure will cause an explosion. She pulls away first, leaving his mouth in midair, and attempts to say something. She has words in mind, she knows she wants to say something, but at the sight of his pink, swollen lips and his mussed hair, she can’t remember what they are. His pupils are blown wide, so wide they look black as the maw of space, and he’s already moving forward to suck on her neck again. “Don’t,” he rasps against her ear, pausing to nibble on the lobe, to nuzzle his beautiful nose against the juncture of her ear and neck. “Whatever you were going to say, don’t. Not yet. Please.” 

The please is whispered right up against her ear, more vibration than word, and Rey is gone. She’s nodding, confirming something, whispering her own okay into the air. Her hands move back down, down from his luscious hair over his chest and then just under the hem of his shirt, pausing there. Before she can form words, before she can ask may I? or is this okay? or do you want this?, he’s nodding, moving his own hands down from his stronghold on her waist to encircle her hips. Yes, he’s saying, this is good, you’re so good, I want it, and Rey realizes he can hear her thoughts. She hadn’t felt him earlier, he must’ve been respecting some of her boundaries, but he’s here now and she can feel what he feels and the sparks are turning into something else. In the echochamber of their minds, everything is intensified, amplified exponentially. Rey pushes his shirt up, pulling back so she can take it off, and he complies, of course he does, he knows what she knows and what she intends. His hands are digging into her hips, fingertips set to bruise, and she hears his voice in her head. Yours?, he’s wondering, may I take yours--

Yes, she’s answering him, nodding anyway, taking a moment to focus on their movements and the pressure of his fingers and how good it all feels. I want it, too. She feels one of his hands find the edge of her bindings, carefully peeling it away from her torso. Forget it, she thinks, in a feverish haze she’ll dwell on later when she’s once again alone, you don’t have to be gentle. His hand moves faster in response, still careful not to rip the fabric. Around her it went, between both his hands now, first revealing her stomach, taut and tense with need, and then her ribs, his hands slowing when he reaches her breasts. It’s okay, it’s more than okay, do it, do it please, and then the bindings are gone there, too. Her skin instantly reacts, nipples pebbling at the exposure to air. When he finally has the whole thing off, it’s tossed away, leaving her in just her arm wraps and her thin, worn pants. His hands slowly come to cup her breasts, the touch almost reverent. His thumbs work around her nipples, working the sensitive flesh before pinching one between a thumb and his finger. He continues to do this even as he lowers his mouth to the other, some instinct or ancient knowledge guiding him. So lovely, all of you is so lovely, want all of you, his mind is rattling off words of praise and adoration at lightspeed, barely making any sense. All Rey can do is nod at the words, the pleasurable sensations, her fingers once again twining through his hair. When he closes his mouth around her nipple and sucks, Rey can’t help but arch in his lap, moving mindlessly to chase the pleasure.

“Please, please let me touch you,” He says out loud, the hand which had been tweaking her nipple moving down between their bodies. “Let me have this.”

She can’t tell which part of it he means by this, but her lust-addled brain doesn’t care. She’s nodding again and he snakes his fingers under the band of her pants, his mouth moving to her neglected breast. Rey knows what he’ll find, but it still sends a shiver through her when his finger just barely touches her center, gently swiping up through her lips, a tiny, awed oh leaving his mouth. His thumb makes contact with her tiny bundle of nerves and she jolts, whimpering and tightening her hands in his hair. 

“You don’t just want this, you need this, don’t you,” He rasps out, moving his thumb in slow, torturous circles around the outside of her clit. “You need me to touch you, to make you feel good.” His finger parts her, slowly pushing into her, and Rey nods again, breath coming in and out in quick, shallow gasps.

He stops moving his hand entirely, mouth moving away from her chest to settle against her throat. “Say it,” he murmurs, licking the sensitive skin. “Say you need this.”

It’s not fair, what he’s doing to her, what he always does to her, getting under her skin in such a precise way and then exposing the truth she doesn’t want to admit. Rey tries to resist, stilling her hips and attempting to return her breathing to normal. He can have everything else, but he will not make her beg. He won’t get her to admit out loud how much she needs this, needs him.

“No? You don’t need the assistance of your Supreme Leader to come? Could’ve fooled me,” he slowly removes his hand entirely, Rey mourning the loss, but she had to keep this up. It was all she had left.

Unless.

“You’re not my Supreme Leader,” she manages, willing one hand to leave his hair to reach down between their bodies. She finds what she’s looking for: his hardness, thick and warm against her inner thigh. She caresses it once, twice, looking him in the eye as she does. “You’re just a man. You’re a man like any other, and I think you need me.”

His eyes flutter shut, long lashes fanning out against his cheeks, and tips his head back. Rey’s palming him now, reading him and liking what she sees. He’s trying, as hard as she was, to not admit anything. To keep up a facade, to seem stronger than he really is. Rey can’t have that. She’s determined to win this. 

“Go ahead,” she taunts, placing a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Go ahead, say it.” Her hands work their way under his pants, something she could tell he wanted. One goes to his shaft, stroking it, and the other to his base, just barely twisting her fingers around it. “I’m not moving again until you do.”

His head snaps forward at this, eyes blazing. “You already know,” he growls. “You already know I do. That I always have. You must know, surely, what you do to me.”  
Rey feigns a pout, moving her thumb over the sensitive head, already leaking fluid. “I got an idea, earlier,” she says, looking down to where her hands are. “I saw all sorts of things I did to you, and that you did to me. You couldn’t seem to decide if you wanted me at your side or your mercy.” She swipes at the head again, delighting in the way his hips give a subtle jerk towards her. “The one where I was bent over this very throne while you held me down and fucked me was very interesting.” She watches him choke and cough at that, undoubtedly beginning picturing it again. “I think I liked the one where you were eating me out better, though,” Rey leans in, her lips brushing his. “I’ve thought about that, too,” she says against his mouth. He flares his nostrils and tries to capture her in a kiss, but Rey pulls back just before he manages.

Her thighs are burning, knees screaming from holding this position for so long, but her stubbornness is winning by a long shot. She pulls her head back even more, pouts once more. “You still haven’t said it,” she says in a mockery of a hurt tone, looking up at him through her lashes. He’s working his jaw again, clearly weighing his options. Rey makes to remove her hands from him altogether when he breaks his silence.

“I need you. I want you. I don’t care about any of the rest of it.”

And oh, the way it feels to hear him say that. It doesn’t even feel like she’s won; it only tugs at Rey’s heart, reminding her of what she saw in that hut and what could be. But, a deal’s a deal, and so Rey starts to move her hand again, her fingers working nimbly over his cock, stimulating him from base to shaft. This goes on for a few moments before he removes his hands from her hips to put them over her own hands.

“Not like this. You don’t have to do this. I want it another way.”

He shares what he means in their heads, and Rey blushes. Removing her hands from him, she nods once more, letting him maneuver her how it is he wants. Next thing she knows, their clothes are gone, and her hands are braced on the armrests of his throne, her back against its back and her feet planted on the edges of the seat. He’s standing above her, working himself while looking at her center, biting his already-swollen lips. Is this okay?, he asks, once more, not wanting to ever actually hurt her. 

“Yes, it’s okay. It’s exactly what I want. Please.”

Slowly, ever so slowly, he stalks forward and lines himself up with her. His hand, the one not working himself, comes up to caress her cheek, pushing back an errant lock of hair. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs. “So beautiful, and all for me.”

With that, he pushes in, just the tip of him, and Rey becomes nothing but this, here and now, him murmuring sweet things to her as he works his way inside of her. It’s divine, the way every part of him fills her, and Rey gasps, feeling herself stretch to accommodate him, spreading her legs wider to take him deeper. 

“Ben!” she moans, before she can stop herself. It feels so good, to not only have him inside her but to finally say his name again, and a stray tear falls down her cheek. He stops immediately, worried he’d hurt her. Are you--

“I’m fine,” Rey gasps out. “I’m more than fine. This is amazing. You’re amazing. Please, please keep going, please.” And so he does, sliding in all the way to the hilt, bracing his hands on her hips as he fills her completely. He’s so big, Rey could not have prepared for what it felt like, her imagination didn’t live up to the real thing at all. Ben starts moving, then, thrusting in and out of her in earnest. “You feel so good,” he rasps, his fingers once again digging into the sensitive flesh. “Feels incredible, you’re taking me so well, knew you would.” He’s babbling again, and Rey revels in it, soaking up the praise like a sponge. “Ben, Ben, Ben,” is all that comes out of her, a chant she hadn’t allowed herself to indulge in until now. “I can’t-- You’re so-- Harder, please. Fuck me harder, I want you to. Please.”

He does, hips pistoning as she arches her back off the throne. One of his hands moves from her hip to work her clit, not teasing it this time but rubbing his thumb against it in earnest, and Rey thinks the fire may consume her. He’s still talking, but she can’t hear any of it, can’t hear a thing over the pounding of her heart in her ears and the smack of him against her. She reaches up to pull his head down, capturing his mouth in a dizzying kiss. It’s perfect, his thumb and his mouth and his cock, and Rey can’t hold on anymore. White hot pleasure starts at her core and instantly spreads through her entire body, her brain receiving the sensations and causing her to scream. Instantly, his other hand is clamped over her mouth, his eyes wide and a little awed. “You couldn’t hold it in, huh?” He rasps, a smirk forming on his lips. “That’s very flattering, but we can’t have anyone interrupting us. Unless that’s what you want, for someone to walk in on you getting fucked. It’s not, is it?” And she could smack him, really and truly could, except he’s thrusting through her aftershocks, prolonging the bliss and making her limp with pleasure. 

“I’m close, so close. Can I-- inside?” Ben’s bravado dissipates instantly, replaced with the sincerity she knows to be his true self. She nods, kissing him again. “Yes,” she says in between kisses, “Yes, yes, yes.”

After a few more thrusts, he does, spilling warmth into her with his hands back on her hips. Gradually he comes down, gathering Rey up in his arms to hold her as he sits back down on his throne. He says nothing, instead nuzzling against her temple as Rey breathes deeply. Neither of them says anything for a long while, content to lay in the afterglow. Ben is brushing sweaty strands of her hair back from her face when he finally does speak.

“Rey?”  
“Mmm?”

He sighs, his fingers stilling on her head. He looks down at her with an expression that she knows means she could break him, depending on whatever she says next.

“Do you miss me?”

It’s at this that his voice is far away, as though it was being said in an adjacent room. Rey knows what this means: the bond is fading, their time once again cut short. She no longer feels his lap or his throne, instead feels the dining chair in the captain’s quarters she must’ve been sitting on in actuality the whole time. She’s alone, still nude, curled up on her side. Ben is gone, and with him, almost all the proof of their coupling. 

Rey makes her way to her bunk, foregoing her bindings to pull on a thin shift. She lays down, assuming fetal position, her arms wrapped around her middle. For awhile, she says nothing, merely stares into the distance as she replays what just happened in her mind.

Do you miss me?

Rey lets out a shaky breath, knowing the answer. She knew it as soon as he’d asked.

To nothing and no one, she opens her mouth and gives her reply. 

“Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> best read listening to [this song](https://open.spotify.com/track/01a0H5HPeCMOktdRMygi3t?si=1z0NtSSLQzeFjYRe34bq8w) on repeat
> 
> please let me know if there are any tags i missed!
> 
> also idk if you're so inclined i do have [a twitter](https://twitter.com/starscollideao3) but it's very new so it's completely uninteresting!
> 
> okay that's all i've got! bye!


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